That’s right. It’s my birthday! And I’m actually wishing myself a happy birthday. How self-obsessed is that?
(It’s not yet my birthday. I’m writing this to the future.)
Today will be filled with working out, teaching, and then celebrating with some friends. I rarely work on my birthday, but I don’t mind…it’s cool.
Thanks for all the well-wishes (both those that have already happened and those that have not yet come to pass). I am sure it will be a fantastic day.
Before I start today’s post, a few things to keep in mind for the upcoming week:
Tuesday, June 7: My birthday! I have some plans with friends, and naturally will tell you all about it later! It involves a delicious dinner.
Thursday, June 9: Concert starting at 7:30 pm with Chamber Project St Louis at “The Chapel” (location here). (This is the group that I was ON TV with in January.)
Recent posts (from the weekend) you should read if you haven’t:
Okay! Business concluded. Now for the fun.
Happy Monday, loyal blog readers. Today I have a few students and a meeting with a woman who makes invitations. I am also thinking of either going for a run or hitting the gym for some cardio (if it ends up being just way too hot to run in the afternoon, since I didn’t get up early). Should be a really great day, though hot.
I am not entirely up to date on the virtual summer retreat, but I think that’s about par for the course and perfectly acceptable. I’m doing what I can. It’s been an odd week—I feel like I’m on summer vacation, yet I still have work and stuff to do. Plus that constant feeling that I am forgetting something but not being able to recall what it is.
Anyway, I decided to look over Day 5: Body Image for today. As a woman, obviously I have body image issues. On the one hand, I’m in better shape today than I have been since I started dating Chris. On the other hand, it’s not as if I was happy with my body THEN either. So it’s a double edged sword. I’m strong, I’m capable, I can run for miles, I can lift heavy objects, I’m in great health. I can wear SHORTS in public without worrying too much about it, and I can run wearing only those shorts and a sports bra and feel confident. But it only takes a look, or a thought, or a pair of jeans that are too tight out of the dryer, for those ugly fat thoughts to reenter my head. I definitely still think of myself as overweight (even though my BMI is not overweight, it’s still on the top end of the scale) but I want OTHER people to think of me as thin. (and the most beautiful girl in the room…isn’t that what everybody wants?)
(yes, I always dress in those colors, why do you ask?)
So, what does the VSR recommend?
writing
write a letter to yourself filled with self-compassion. in part 1, you will forgive yourself on any perceived ‘flaws’, and in part 2, detail the many gorgeous and delicious features you have that you LOVE [both inside and out].
Forgive myself for my flaws? Is she crazy? How will I improve them if I forgive myself for them?
Oh, I get it. I’m supposed to be happy in my skin right now. Rather than consider myself a work in progress… I am not sure I’m ready to do that. I am fine with being positive about some of my “gorgeous and delicious” features, but how can I forgive myself for my flaws? Do I stop with teeth bleaching and hair removal then? Start eating cheesecake every day? Quit the gym? I’m certainly not ready to do any of those things (though the cheesecake is tempting).
Inside and out? I can embrace my inside—my sense of humor, my quick wit, my patience with children, my kindness, and my guilt. Yes, I shall embrace my guilt! (Guilt over what, you ask? Why, you name it, anything that I could have done that I haven’t! Constant sense of guilt!)
Outside…I do love my hair, I love that my teeth whitening is working, I love my smile, I love my eyes, I love my height, and yes, I do love that I can wear shorts this summer. Do you know the last time I wore shorts comfortably all summer? Without too many worries of people staring at my fat thighs?
But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to settle yet, do you hear? I want more defined muscles and a smaller waist. I will get there. I hope for smaller thighs and butt too, though we’ll see how genetics serve me there.
And I need to quit biting my fingers. Less mutilated hands would go a long way. Chris generally thinks I am beautiful all over…except my fingers. And you know, negative self-hating thoughts. Meh.
meditation
5 minutes focused on loving yourself — and forgiving yourself for any perceived ‘imperfections’. [emphasis on the word perceived]
I haven’t really embraced the whole meditation aspect of this retreat…yet. But maybe practicing the violin is sort of like meditating? You are alone with your music, focusing on the HERE and NOW and concentrating on yourself. When I watch myself in the mirror playing, sometimes I notice my strong arms, my nimble and able fingers, and I love the profile of myself playing the violin…I think that is when I am most beautiful. I also know it’s something I do well, better than most everybody else (statistically speaking, there are really so few excellent violinists in the world, that with a margin of error, I could be considered the best. You know, with a plus or minus 2 percent or something.) I feel a great sense of confidence when playing, backed up with years of experience and tens of thousands of hours of practice.
Haven’t changed that much either!
Jen and I ran the park today. 5.6 miles in 1:09. No walking! I was lagging behind her almost the whole time but it was a good run. Not too hot either, and we went extra early because we thought it might be.
We also found a new boyfriend for Jen. He passed us, and we considered turning around and running after him, but he was going too fast for us. We also considered getting the car and going back around and finding him, then getting out and pretending to be running, but decided that was a little crazy. Instead we just went home. Such is life.
Now I’m taking a short break from house-cleaning. Today is the student recital at my house. 6 of my students are playing, and I am naturally super stressed out for the company. Even though these people come into my disheveled house every week, they don’t see as much of the house as they will today, so I’ve been frantically cleaning. Those who know me know that cleaning is NOT my forte. I enjoy a clean house as much as the next person, but I rarely do a really good job cleaning, instead simply doing a cursory vacuum and dusting around objects. Today is really no different, just that I am doing that all over the house! (Good thing I’m engaged already, right? What man would want a woman who can’t clean properly??)
Last night I had a wonderful time hanging with friends at Sasha’s on Shaw and then to the Amsterdam Tavern. The Amsterdam is actually where the Pumpkin Run started, and is also (evidently) a great place to watch soccer. I am not a big soccer fan, but Jen is, and it seemed that she knew everyone in the place! (When I say not a big soccer fan, I mean, seriously pretty bored by the sport. I prefer baseball and the Olympics.)
After all the work today, we have a movie date: the final installment of the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King. Will Frodo live to destroy the ring?
I wanted to share some awesome links with you. If you are bored, like I am, I recommend reading them! (If you are a facebook friend of mine some of these will not be new to you. Sorry. I have to recycle my material sometimes.)
Firstly, a sad story about a friendless hedgehog. If that doesn’t make your cold, black, heart grow…well, then nothing will. (thanks to Sarah for the link).
Here’s another great story from Sarah: Tips for Single Ladies from 1938. Some things never change! (That being that people are always trying to give advice).
Perhaps you’ve heard about the cicadas taking over St Louis? Wonder how great moments in history would have sounded with cicadas? No? I recommend checking it out anyway.
This is less funny, but very interesting. Did you know that women pass judgment on someone within 20 seconds of meeting them? Does it take us that long?
Next a youtube video. Legend of Zelda for a cappella voices and violin. Greatest thing ever.
Here’s one I lol-ed at from the onion. Work Friend Accidentally Becomes Real Friend. Hopefully that will never happen to me.
Here’s another good one, about a pitcher having trouble making his parents understand a no-hitter is still pretty good. Any of you who have parents with high, exacting standards will appreciate that.
How about this? A violin playing hitchhiker. Just like that guy from Field of Dreams, I think.
Okay, all these links made me think of this video of a sheep wearing a mask. It’s a few years old, but I still snickered.
And now for some random pictures that make me laugh (or cry):
And of course…(the greatest picture ever)…
I’d just like to say that I’m tired of the whole "hey, and it’s not even summer yet!" mentality. Firstly, saying that June 21 is the start of summer is just as logical as December 21 being the start of winter after you’ve already been wearing your coat for several months (and in Cleveland perhaps already ruined a few pairs of pants and boots from the salt.) Secondly, MEH it’s really hot outside. It’s been hot all week.
(I just did a Google image search for "hot". Thank goodness for safe search! And then I tried the more descriptive "hot weather" and found the sort of thing I was looking for.)
I heard on the radio the other day than in China the government defines the start of summer as the day after 3 consecutive days that exceed a certain temperature. That makes so much more sense than an arbitrary date! Now, I can’t find any corroborating evidence of this right now, but I remember hearing it. If it wasn’t China, maybe it was Singapore. I am failing at the internet this morning.
In any case, let me quote the current Wikipedia article on summer, which sounds like it was written by somebody as annoyed as I am by our seasonal definitions:
"From the astronomical perspective, days continue to lengthen from equinox to solstice and summer days progressively shorten after the solstice, so meteorological summer encompasses the build-up to the longest day and a diminishing thereafter, with summer having many more hours of daylight than spring. Solstices and equinoxes are taken to mark the mid-points, not the beginnings, of the seasons. Midsummer takes place over the shortest night of the year, which is the summer solstice.
The Western definition based on equinox to solstice is more frequently used where a temperature lag of up to half a season is common.[3] Summer is the period from the summer solstice to the autumn equinox.[4][5][6][7] Unofficially, the U.S. summer season is commonly regarded as beginning on Memorial Day weekend in May and ending on Labor Day weekend in September."
So there you have it. June 21 is the MIDDLE of summer, not the beginning. Yes, it’s Saturday, I’m using wikipedia as a definitive source. It’s okay, my parents are RETIRED college teachers 🙂
(that’s the forecast.)
random tangents:
Last night I went to see a friend’s husband’s band at the Focal Point in Maplewood, and then we met some folks at Urban Chestnut. It was a great summer night! Today I have a wedding and need to do preparations for tomorrow afternoon’s studio recital.
And last night I had my SECOND getting married dream. This one included a walk down the aisle in my dress. It also involved me being really controlling with the ceremony musicians, i.e., at one point I was playing violin with them to demonstrate the correct tempo for Panis Angelicus. And it definitely included the song I am 98 percent sure I want to walk down the aisle to (wow that is tricky grammatically, is that even remotely correct?). I may cry to the song, but I think that’s okay…
Somehow my cat would try to ruin everything! Like she ruins my sleep every night. Silly fat thing.
Awww…who can stay mad at that??
As a blogger, I guess I should admit that I got free tickets to the circus. Not because I’m a blogger though, but just because that’s how I roll.
Everybody knows that depending on what business you are in you get certain perks. Restaurant workers often get discounts or free food at other restaurants. Celebrities get everything free. Bankers and other wealthy businessmen get free Congress. Since I’m a musician I get free symphony tickets and occasionally other stuff too. One time I got a free viola A string, and I’ve also gotten some rosin and a gigantic stack of orchestra folders. Crazy, right? I believe I gave the A string to Chris and sadly he never said anything about it again. Sort of like when I asked him a few months ago why he asked me to marry him…he said "I don’t know" and then we never spoke of it again.
But I digress.
Circus Flora was generous enough to offer comp tickets to the symphony members for last night’s performance of Vagabound Adventures. As the usual date of a symphony member (or at least an "acting" symphony member) I was invited to go.
They set up the "big top" in the parking lot next to Powell Symphony Hall (where the SLSO plays). The tent IS air-conditioned.
Our friends Jon and Laura came along as well.
Laura’s more adept at posing for photos than I am since her group, Chamber Project St Louis (remember, concert next Thursday at 7:30) just had a lengthy photo shoot.
In any case, we weren’t supposed to take photos inside the tent so I’ll just tell you about it. It’s set up in a circle with the action in the middle.
The show started with a narrator telling the plot. I’ll admit, the plot was a bit thin, but who really cares about the plot? There were jugglers first, lots of jugglers juggling in a variety of combinations of people. Next was a contortionist. First she brought one of her legs straight up in front of her body. I leaned over to Chris and said, "well, I can do THAT, especially after attending Bikram Yoga." Then she put that leg around back. And then bend backwards and grabbed her ankles. I can’t do those things. There was a funny act with a horse and then some acrobatics and tumbling by the St Louis Arches. There was also a clown named Nino who kept getting in the way of things.
The big act before intermission was the Flying Wallendas on the tightrope. I’d seen this act when the symphony played with the circus in the winter, but this time we were UNDER the tightrope. And I mean, directly under, as in my neck hurt to look up, but yet I was afraid NOT to look in case they fell and I needed to move fast. Wow. Breathtaking. (I recommend checking out those links if you are interested in the history of the family.)
At intermission we ran into a variety of people we knew—it seems many of the symphony members were eager to see the show for free!
The second act was again a mix of things. A pair of brothers, "The Riding Donnerts", did a bunch of tricks while standing (or doing acrobatics) on the backs of horses going around the ring. They were fantastic! Then more clowning, more acrobatics, and then the finale–
The best act was at the end (as it should be)—the "Flying Pages" on the flying trapeze. There were two trapezes and three landings and the whole act was incredibly exciting! And yes, there was a net, unlike those crazy Wallendas.
In any case, I highly recommend seeing the Circus if you live in the area. It runs all month, and you will love it. We certainly did.
(See how I did that, as a review? Aren’t I fancy?)