Every once in awhile I go through my spam comments folder and make sure nothing got mislabeled. Some of the comments are pretty awesome though—if you are a blogger reading this, you probably already know what I mean. But here are my two favorite from today.
So nice and complimentary, right?
And then this one…
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I’ve been busy all week rehearsing this:
This Friday night and Sunday afternoon Winter Opera St Louis is performing Tosca. I HIGHLY recommend the show because the singers are AMAZING. Plus the orchestra (I’m concertmaster) is not bad…in fact I think we sound pretty good and this is one of the first times I’ve really insisted to Chris that he come (he always does if he’s free anyway, which is rare because the symphony usually performs during the same times, but this time I think it’s a MUST SEE!). Visit Winter Opera St Louis for more information, okay?
Also that theme you see is constantly in my head. My friend Sarah got mad at me last night because I kept singing it out loud. Oh well, better than Lord of the Rings, right? (Different.)
I’ve been trying to keep up the practicing. I think that’s another reason I haven’t been blogging as much (other than being a little depressed and not having a whole lot to say). I made my first Target trip in over a month and got new socks and a new gray sweater.
I didn’t buy this card, but I love it. “It’s every Irishman’s delight!” Though I prefer the spelling Moustache to Mustache. My spell check tells me both are acceptable.
When you aren’t preparing for an audition you have more time for etudes. I thought working on one with a bunch of flats would be good practice for the opera. It’s so challenging to play in the tune in the keys with so many flats, but SO important to not play sharp.
I love being back into working out. My legs are sore and I feel great because of it.
I’m working really hard to get back to feeling like myself. It bothers me most because I think it’s primarily “just” in my head (which I know isn’t a just thing) and other people have actual problems. Or I do have actual problems…I just don’t even know anymore. I think it’s probably a good thing I have a spring break pretty soon. Maybe I’ll be able to sort some stuff out. I’m just tired of being sad and angry.
I read a friend’s blog post the other day and she wrote the line “To me, it is very difficult to get the gist of myself.” That really struck a chord with me. I don’t like to veer too negative or TOO personal here on the blog, because I’m just not comfortable with those things…we’ll just say that it’s been a challenging week and perhaps before that too. I feel a little unlike myself.
Yesterday for instead. I got up. I met a friend for lunch. I was supposed to go to a blogger meet up and I just suddenly felt entirely overwhelmed. I just couldn’t. Sometimes I get horrific society anxiety, and the idea of talking to a bunch of virtual strangers (one person there I would know) just pushed me over the edge and I sat in my car crying for a bit. Yeah, great, right?!
I went home instead and played violin for two hours (which was GLORIOUS because I am in fantastic violin shape right now and I feel like I’ve never been able to play better). Friday night was a similar thing—after the concert I had originally made plans to go hang out with the girls, but I just couldn’t deal with the idea of all the people. I went home and waited for Chris to get off work instead. Lame, but…I guess it’s just something I’m dealing with. I think the feeling that here, we are still struggling to put our careers together, and it’s such a disgusting horrific struggle…that I just don’t want to deal with people. Or maybe I’m just depressed. I’m not a psychiatrist, I can only attempt to self diagnose.
That said. Don’t start calling in the men with white jackets just yet. I’m really good at faking it. So I figured, you know what, I need to get my butt out there for a run. I ran for 1.5 miles and it was just awful. I wanted to puke for most of the run and stopped to walk a couple times too. I had to run in the street to avoid the icy sidewalks and honestly, my running tights were a little snug. But I did it. My first run since that race in January that WENT SO WELL. Because it DID. It was great, and then I got sick, and then I got sick again, and in the meantime I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
And then I did feel a little better. Maybe it’s feeling like I’m in control of a few things. I can play violin, I can work out, I can lose those few pounds I’ve gained in the past weeks (at least) due to stress eating. Sure, a lot of things are out of my control, but not everything.
It’s funny then, you make one good decision, it’s easy to make a few more. I made a healthy lunch, put together some chicken in the crockpot for dinner, and suddenly had a lot more energy. Now I’m off to practice a bit before I teach. I’m not saying I’m suddenly magically feeling amazing or even really that great, just that I’m not feeling like a big pile of you know what. So there you have it. Happy Monday!
Oh, and this is all pretty personal stuff. Writing helps, so I hope you enjoy reading it!
Reasons why it’s awesome we are no longer newlyweds:
1. They say the first year is the hardest. We have that behind us!
2. I no longer have the pressure of using an awesome wedding photo as my facebook profile picture, since it’s been kinda too long for that, so I can use ANYTHING I want, which is what I used to do, and I’d switch it up all the time. I can do that again. (I am half kidding, but honestly, I get bored with my picture a lot so it’s great to be able to switch it out and not feel bad.)
Right now, it’s this, for instance.
but maybe soon I’ll switch it to this:
or this
or this
or this (only $50, a bargain!)
The possibilities are endless (especially since I take pictures of myself and other things every day)!
Things that I annoy me about being married (or perhaps, being a 30-something female):
I get a lot of questions about
1. When we are having children (or, worse, am I expecting?)
2. How have our lives changed since we got married.
These are both two really good questions.
One of the things Chris and I have been discussing on our vacation is how I should respond to these questions, particularly the first one. We’re working on a good response. I try not to use profanity on the blog, so I can’t actually print my response here, but I have one now. Suffice it to say that people are very nosy and need to mind their own business.
The second question is a perfectly good question, except that it’s kind of silly. The short answer is our lives haven’t changed at all, since we have been together since February of 1999. The long answer is, a lot more people ask me when I’m having children, but people no longer ask when we are getting married.
Things that are awesome about being on vacation in a nice hotel in a nearby city:
1. No real pressure to sight see since you’ve been here before and you’ll be back, so you can spend almost the whole day relaxing at the hotel.
2. If you do choose to leave the hotel, when you come back the room is magically clean! This is the opposite of being at home.
3. You can leave a ponytail holder on the nightstand overnight. When you wake up it is still there!
4. King size bed and amazing in-shower stuff.
Things that are great about being on vacation generally and not having to drive or work or do anything really:
Among others 🙂 And fantastic food. Highlights of our trip restaurant wise include Blackbird and The Publican. I will likely tell you more about those later. 
From the hotel gym: unfortunately I did not stop exercising at the first sign of discomfort. (I think I thought my head was fuzzy, but perhaps it was just the picture.)
Looking forward to this tonight!
I figured I can’t call myself a real blogger without a year in review post. Plus I have some time right now as I wait for Chris to play his concert before we go to our friend’s party to usher in the new year in style.
I’m going to take a little bit different approach than many. Only pictures. One picture to sum up each month. If you are a regular blog reader, you’ll probably recognize all these photos and you can skip this post.
(I was just thinking, nobody makes that whole joke about how long it takes to remember the new year when you’re writing checks anymore, do they? Bring on 2013!)
2012 in Pictures:
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Bonus Pictures:
Thanks to everybody for their love and support this year. I hope that 2013 brings more new adventures and wonderful experiences. Until then!
Oh and…
I don’t really understand Boxing Day.
But I feel pretty good post-Christmas. The trick is to get the melancholy out of the way pre-Christmas, then post-Christmas feels great. Another good trick is to plan a couple of vacations in January. (This is at least the third year in a row I’m doing this, and it seems to work really well. After that, February is short, March can be another vacation over spring break, April is always the busiest month, May you are almost there…and then June is my birthday month and the end of school! Don’t lecture me about living in the moment. Life isn’t short, it’s the longest thing you do.)
Oh, and now a wedding anniversary. And I’d better not forget my husband’s birthday like I did our anniversary the other week (I couldn’t figure out why Chris was so insistent on us having a fancy dinner the night of the second in Chicago—he kept insisting and I kept saying it didn’t need to be that night as it was our travel day and there were other days we’d be there and finally said in a loud, cross tone “What is your obsession with the second?” He was silent for a bit and then said “It’s our anniversary.” Needless to say, I made a reservation somewhere nice. To be fair, I hadn’t technically forgotten our anniversary as it hadn’t happened yet…no, I can’t rationalize this. I totally sucked and forgot.)
All of these things can help with post-Christmas blues. (Except forgetting your anniversary. Don’t do that.)
After eating enough to gain 7.8 pounds yesterday (a fact my trainer thought was both ridiculously disgusting and impossible to believe, even though HE told me he lost 11 pounds over the last two weeks in order to be able to overindulge a bit this week…that doesn’t sound crazy or anything—I hope he’s reading today) I figured a good workout was in order. That and it was already scheduled. Lunges on the Smith machine, front squats, dead lifts, kettlebell swings. I feel like I’m forgetting something but I really think that’s it. Maybe I was slow today or we did extra sets?
I probably smelled strongly of Ham the entire time.
I wore a festive headband. It was in honor of Boxing Day AND the snowstorm that was predicted that totally missed us.
Post workout, in the car. I was cold.
I actually had to get dressed in regular clothes, including pants that buttoned for a rehearsal for this jazz concert I’m playing on—I feel so COOL when I play with jazz musicians, even though we all know that’s not true. (Also, children, being cool is NOT important in life. Being smart and nice is.)
Christmas present. I don’t have a Toms problem or anything. PLUM CORDUROY THANK YOU LESLIE!
Last thought for tonight: We finally watched Moneyball. Why did we wait so long? Second favorite baseball movie!! (First favorite is of course Field of Dreams.)
What’s your favorite baseball movie? Or, top three? I think my third favorite is A League of Their Own.